Saturday, March 04, 2006

Occular Cacophony

The circus with my 10-year old daughter. Should be fun, right? HELL NO! Don't get me wrong. Spending time with Kat is cool, she's a unique individual... But OMG Kids, parents, smells, sounds, jostling, lights, sounds, wires, sounds... Funny, because I LOVE a rock concert live, but I hate the noises at a circus.

Slow death of consciousness.

Half way through the first part, my teeth are on edge. Lobes are throbbing. Eyes accosted by four strobe lights on the floor, two disco balls on the ceiling, myriad lite-up wand souve-f*ckin-neirs waving every where. Loud, cheeztastic music and acrobatics. Shoot me now. There are only so many sinous supple bodies one wants to see in choreographed contortions. Even for an erotic writer! I mean -- Okay, so you can put your ass on your head, that's talent. But, do we need to see three women side-by-side-by-side with their asses on their heads?? NO While we're at it, add a ring of skinny bitches squiggling in hoola hoops whilst more skinny bitches swing from their necks two stories up. At each end! Oy. Bullet in the brainpan. Squish.

Then we can traipse the smelly, trained equines, camels and pachyderms through the rings. Let's all watch them dance beneath a whip, jump through rings aflame. A kid behind us squeals, "Ew, he's pooping!" Wonderful aroma after that! Add singed sinuses to the headache and eye trauma.

But, we're not done! Flipping, flopping, tights wearing foreigners. Yay.

Oo! How about dudes on dirt bikers expelling noxious fumes into a closed environment?! Yippee-f*cking-skippe.

Best part, aside from learning Kat was as bored as me?? I got to see skinny bitches swing from their necks two stories up. They didn't fall. Dammit.

8 comments:

Bernita said...

The sensory overload didn't overload your brain, obviously - it's still working fine.
A really fun read!

Savannah Jordan said...

This was the piece to purge that particular poison, Bernita; I couldn't leave that venom in to taint the tempting images in my next vignette. *sigh* So many scenes... so little time.

Glad you liked it! :)

Michele said...

ROTFLMAO!!

Too darned funny !
I went to one of those delightful events last year. Even did the "mommy martyr" routine. Littlest one wanted SO BADLY to ride an elephant. You think they smell from the bleachers? Try when your sitting over their asses!

Did I ever tell you I'm allergic to the blasted things? Yep...within 30 minutes I was doing a fair imitation of Minnie Mouse with mucous flowing faster than the Nile out my nose.

If my kids wanted to go again, I'd take them. But give me drugs first!

Better yet, when the circus comes to town, we leave.

Savannah Jordan said...

Gotta stick in humour occasionally.

I can't even claim allergies. (the Nile, I love it!!) Unless annoyane is an allergen... :) Glad to know that I'm not the only one that hates the circus.

Lady M said...

" I got to see skinny bitches swing from their necks two stories up. They didn't fall. Dammit."


OMG - ROFLMAO!

I think I need to check the chair - yup it's still dry... the depends are holding up!

Oh, what an excellent rendition of the real circus.

Lady M

Savannah Jordan said...

Welcome, Lady M!

I'm glad that you laughed! Sorry having to check your chair, though. Hehehe I do tend to spew that type of venom on a semi-regular basis...

alexandra said...

So, I take it you had a good time then? ;-)

Savannah Jordan said...

Oh, yeah, Alexandra... *snorts* Real good time. I made up for the toture by writing a new erotica vignette, though, so it was not a total loss. :)