Wednesday, March 22, 2006


**this is an OLD one; not sure why I'm posting it, other than it insisted...**

A blade on my wrist-
The smile was in your eyes.
Pressing down- steel on skin.
The corners of your grin
Twisted evilly.
Your grip was too tight-
I lost mine…

Sinew and steel

Want to get away,
want to get you out
Of my life.
Blade in my wrist.
You won’t leave,
So I’ll end it, and
Be free of your grasp.

Steel in veins

The water in the sink is bloody,
And I’m shaking- but I
Won’t stop. I’m going
To teach you a lesson.
You’ll never hold me again.

Life in the sink

Weak, I’m so weak.
Can barely stand up,
But, watching my hate-colored
Blood flowing slowly
Gave me courage.

Me on the floor

You kneel by me,
Afraid to touch the sodden,
Bloodless form that was
Your clutching post.


Bernita said...

Rather a Pryrric method.
But, this is well done, Savannah.

Savannah Jordan said...

Thanks, Bernita. It was written as a challenge, so if someone finds it well done, then I am happy.

Bernita said...

You could write a whole short based on this.
The "grip" and "clutching post" lines were particularly dimensional.
Should have said "very" well done.

Dennie McDonald said...

But, watching my hate-colored
Blood flowing slowly

absolutely love this line... not sure why, but it stood out for me!

Savannah Jordan said...

I could queue this with the other short story concepts. Gawd knows there's enough ot them to keep me writing for years! :)

I enjoyed your excerpts last night!!

Isn't it funny how certain lines stand out to differetn readers? I think my favorite is 'sinew and steel.' I love the alliteration.

alexandra said...

Evocative and provocative!

Steel in veins, for me. I shivered.

Lady M said...

This is so dark it was almost spooky.

I think for poetry or prose - the meaning is different for each and every reader.

To me - this was literally a suicide of thought - an escapement of something more horrid than death - yet with the satisfaction that death would hurt someone else, more than the person dying.

A sort of - "so there - take that - you bastard - this is what you deserve of me - and I'm happy about it" feeling.

Interesting Savannah. I think you purge your darkness in writing.

Good deal.

Lady M
vcoked - my word verify.

Savannah Jordan said...

Thanks fo commenting. I like the singluar image lines. They hit hard.

Lady M~
Yes, I purge the venom in written word.

This poem was actually an assignment in college. Situational poetry -- put yourself in someone elese's position.

I guess I did it well enough that the proff asked if I needed help... LOL

I got the highest marks in the class! :)

Lady M said...


That's funny!

Lady M