Tuesday, April 04, 2006

WTF in a bowl

OMG Okay, so I won't try 'authentic Indian cuisine' again. And, no, not Native American 'Indian;' but back of a f*cking camel in hot ass India, Indian, red-dot on the forehead, towel turban wearing smelly horny men, Indian. (Don't go on Ryze if you're a woman and you don't want men Indian men to call you a Goddess. I mean, I KNOW that I am, but they don't need to tell a married woman that.)

On Friday, the family decided to see ICE AGE 2 (Diego RULZ!! Here kitty kitty... I even have a stuffie of him now!) As we were already 'out,' DH decided to 'try something new' and 'broaden our culinary horizons.' Out of town. A highway drive away from home. NOT a good idea for anyone who has suffered IBS symptoms. New food and highway travel are a recipe for disaster.

A new restaurant opened in nearby Swampland, MI. (about a 20 to 30 min drive from home) I'm not one to stray far outside my norm when it comes to eating; not if I want the food to stay where I put it, anyway. It's all about GASTRONOMIC DISTRESS, also known as gastroinestinal pyrotechnics, to put things mildly.

The door opens, and we are met with high pitched pig-squealing bitches belly dancing on a TV screen mounted in the corner. Wonderful start. Thank gawd they have pretty clothes. I'd kill for a figure suitable to wear one of those outfits. Anway, nothing on the menu looked appetizing. Ironically, I have a talented tongue... a real proclivity for pronounciation (what did you think I was gonna say?? gutterminded people... LOL) And even though I could produce a fair imitation of their dialect, my guts couldn't process their damned food.

The pashawar naan was great, a flat bread with fruits and nuts baked in, but that's where the goodness stopped. The entrees were f*cking scary. Well, the rice wasn't, but DAMN the steaming sh*t in those bowls... Ew! I ordered some kind of lamb something... Put it this way, it smelled like an unwashed arab man's armpits and look like it had been forced through one of his orafices. WTF? Chunks of lamb, stewed, aldulterated in some tomatoe something pasty sh*t, with chunks of tomatoe, onion and green peppers. And, that's just what I could identify!

I masitcated as much as I could, which wasn't much at all. My guts kind of clamped, and began to gnarl as I sat. I tried a suck of mango shake. I hate mango. But I was desparate to wash that crap out of my mouth. By the time we left, I felt like I was going to explode, one way or another.

We flew through a Dollar Store to get some Immodium. I grabbed the wrong damn box!! I thought for sure I was going to DIE. I think at one point I wanted to. It was at then that I made my mind work. "Mind over matter," they say. I am very strong minded; some might say that I am damn stubborn... (shuttup, those of you who do) So, I decided to force that misery away. I'm okay... I'm tougher than this... I'm okay.

It worked.

And I learned something. More than never to eat that sh*t again. If I can control those gut wrenching IBS syptoms, I can do anything I put my mind to.

Anything.

12 comments:

Dennie McDonald said...

that's why I keep my adventures in certain areas!

Savannah Jordan said...

LOL I won't ask what areas Dennie! ;)

Someday, though, we'll have to travel and hang out together. With Samhain and out blogger pals, I bet we'd have lots to talk about, and have a blast!!

Bernita said...

The currie took your sari awaaay?

Savannah Jordan said...

Nah, it wasn't the curry, Bernita. I love curry. It was everything else... not sure what it all was, but DAMN. I recovered nicely, though. :)

H.S. Kinn said...

LOL! My hubby says Indian food tastes like kerosene! And my MIL loves it, it's her favorite, so he suffers it once in a while for her sake. He just eats the bread!

Dennie McDonald said...

would you believe I am normally a shy kinda gal!?!?!

Sounds like it'd be fun!

Savannah Jordan said...

Shy?!? YOU??? Never...

ROFLMAO

Secret for you... me, too. I'll be the blonde in the corner watching. :P

Lady M said...

ROFLMAO - you are SOOOOO not allowed to read B's log anymore!

I'm merrily chomping away on something - and I open your site...

And slowly the images meld firmly into place... Suddenly - dry toast sounds kind of illlllllll....

LOL

Hugs - hope your tummy is ok now - and ALWAYS a truth!

You can and WILL do great things!

Sela Carsen said...

Wow. Not a, um, adventurous eater? You'd never survive at our house. ;)

Hope you're feeling better now, sugar. And the stubborn thing doesn't surprise me a bit. Nope. Not a bit.

Rotty said...

I have to agree with DW, the food wasnt good, It was a learning experience, the bread was good, ambiance OK, at least the boy had a good dinner, he ordered the shrimp "something" hard to screw up shrimp......

Bernita said...

As Jughead said, "I have a strong will power - I just don't want to be a slave to it..."
That's my excuse, anyway.

Savannah Jordan said...

Lady m~
Can't can't I read B's blog?? *pouts* Yup, my tummy is better.

Thanks for the faith in me!

Sela~
I dont eat wildly. I have had too much stomach trouble to eat like that. I am better, thanks.

And, stubborn, ME?... NEVER ROFLMAO

Rotty~
Thanks for chiming in! Kyle's meal was the one shining moment. That, and the Pashawar Naan. I love that name...