Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Uderworld and the author hat

Well, I had SO anticipated the sequel to Underworld. I had myself all worked up for something fabulous. Wrong-o!! Maybe it was because my author hat was screwed on too tight, and I couldn't separate myself from my story analyzing. Whatever the cause, these are my reasons for disliking the film:
  • William, the original lycan looked like a gorram silver back gorilla with a muzzle and ears. Can you say "man in a suit?!"
  • The older lycans were supposed to be terrifying, unable to control their frenzy, etc. Sorry, no. They looked like f*cking puppies. Oo... scary.
  • Alexander Corvinus was a pussed out old man.
  • Markus was ugly in human form and he looked like he'd been beaten with an ugly stick in his evolved form; a quasi-Kindred Nos Feratu crossed with a f*ckin leaf nosed bat! So you've got wings now, Bat Boy... Yippee.
  • Viktor was subjugating an entire species. Wow. No surprise there... Karma came round and bit him in the ass. "You ain't leading but two things, Jack and Shit... and Jack left town."
  • The action was lack-luster at best. I wanted balls-to-the-wall, I got a puppies in jock straps.
  • They watered down the plot with the "romace" between Selene and Michael. As an erotic writer, I was tearing the sh*t outta that scene, knowing the body angles meant not a damn thing was happening. (However, Scott Speedman naked was a fair consolation prize.)
  • The only "good" point for me was how absolutely lustable Selene was with the new silver/white eye color. Gods that woman is beautiful!

And as Delmar said in O Brother, Where Art Thou?... "That's all I've got."

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

I have to agree with your criticism. I mean I was expecting the same thing you were and was kinda let down. The movie was ok but I was expecting great and spectacular. i didn't recieve that and felt let down by the people who made this film. I liked the first movie and wanted something like that but didn't get that. Also you are right about Markus's bat form I mean i was expecting something unique and scary but got what you described....I hope if they do make a third installment it is better than its current incarnation. I hoe they acutally put more work adn effort into it that should have been in the 2nd movie.

Michele said...

I haven't seen the first so I'm not sure I want to get involved in the story if the offerrings are as poor as you indicate.

However, I'm willing to bet that your post is written much better than the script from the movie you critiqued.

" I wanted balls-to-the-wall, I got a puppies in jock straps."

ROTFL!!!
The funny thing is that they do make diapers for dogs...which will be great for what was left after "Jack left town". LOL

Thanks for the laughs!

Savannah Jordan said...

Glad you agree, Anon! "Ok" That was it. Nothing fab.

Savannah Jordan said...

Only you, Michele would connnect the puppies in jock straps with doggie depends! *sigh* I'll never be able to look at that movie the same...

:)

Michele said...

Good gravy!
You've already figured that about me and you've never met me face to face!
I hear that a lot from my friends ..."Only you, Michele"..LOL!

Savannah Jordan said...

Count me amoung the friends! Online ones, at least...

Dennie McDonald said...

I haven't seen the first - mostly because the boys can't see it yet - I realize there are things like blockbuster - but I cannot remember to eat on a regular basis ... I am supposed to remember to return a video =)

Savannah Jordan said...

You must eat to retain your strength for writing! Never mind the lackluster flicks at Blockbuster.

Michele said...

Thanks!!
Online buddy you are.. *grin*
Cool.

Savannah Jordan said...

Buds! *hug*

Tsavo Leone said...

Caught a matinee showing of this today, and it wasn't as bad as it could have been. I felt the story could have been so much more inventive, and seemed in places to openly contradict/re-write certain stated 'facts' from the first film.

In it's favour it was nice to see a sequel that picked up practically where the last one left off (one presumes only a few hours/a day had passed), and I felt that Marcus's Hyrid form wasn't too bad (a little "Van Helsing" perhaps, but I could explain his appearance logically, given Michael's Hybrid appearance), though his flying left a lot to be desired.

The sex scene was unnecessary. And pretty rubbish. I agree wholeheartedly about the angles...

Generally not as bad as some people have made it out to be, but not the story I would have told. And yes, I did have a basic idea for where I would have taken the story...